Introduction
We believe that everything there is to find is
out there in the light where it's easy to find,
when the only answers for you are in you!
—Leo Buscaglia
he dead aren't supposed to walk among the living, but they do. I know they do, because I was one of them. Many years ago, emotionally dead, I slumped in my airplane seat. When the flight attendant asked me if I wanted something to eat, all I could do was wave her away with my hand. I had lost so much weight that I looked like a refugee from Dachau, the Nazi concentration camp. During liftoff, I didn't care if the plane crashed. Nothing mattered. I was on my way for a sunny week in Jamaica to escape the pain of the breakup of a fourteen-year relationship.
My life was crumbling under my feet, and there was nothing I could do. I didn't care if I lived or died. I was already dead inside, an empty shell from defining myself by my outside life—relationship, career, and material things. Once they were gone, so was I, or so I thought.
Legions of emotionally dead people walk among us, focused on finding the right mate, getting promoted, making more money, and buying that vacation home. These are all great things to have, but they mean nothing without a strong connection to yourself. Things are temporary. They rust, erode, decay, and die. Material gain—a new house, car, or money—can bring temporary highs that flatten out after only a short while. Regardless of whether life throws us highs or lows, it is our internal life that keeps us steady in a sea of ups and downs and carries us over the long haul.
When material things are gone, so are we—unless we have an inner life to undergird them. When we do, things can vanish and our strength is sustained. That is what this book is about—finding the Confident Self within and living from the inside out instead of from the outside in.
Roadblocks to the Confident Life
Here's a checklist of roadblocks to the Confident Life. Do any of them apply to you?
- Do you beat yourself up for what you 'should' have done?
- Do you put up resistance to keep things as they are?
- Do you react to life, rather than take action when problems or worries befall you?
- Do you believe you are a victim of life circumstances?
- Do you hold on to resentments?
- Do you find yourself expecting the worst or worrying about bad things happening?'
- Do you let fear dominate your life?
- Do you think more about 'what if' instead of 'what is'?
- Do you feel unworthy?
- Are you a perpetual people pleaser?
- Do you neglect yourself in favor of others?
- Do you look for things outside yourself to make you happy?
- Have you used geographic escape to run from your problems?
About This Book
This book can help you develop a solid, strong inner world that brings out the confidence that exists naturally within you, and it can help you navigate through whatever life brings.
It has been almost twenty years since the first version of this book, Heal Your Self-Esteem, hit bookstores. Since that time, we have entered into a new century, and much has happened in our culture that is relevant for a book of this nature. When this book first appeared, the Internet, laptops, BlackBerrys, iPods, PDAs, Wi-Fi, and e-mail did not exist. Now the workday phrase '9 to 5' has become obsolete, replaced by the new millennium phrase '24/7.' Not that long ago, speed dating and online matchmaking didn't exist, and we had not experienced the events that shattered our sense of national security on 9/11 and prompted the official 'War on Terror.' Since 1991, our country has undergone a cultural revolution in terms of foreign affairs, technology, workplace issues, family dynamics, and relationships—all factors impacting our confidence levels.
This revised edition is a makeover of the earlier book to reflect these cultural changes. The 10 Principles, which I developed for the previous edition, recast in this edition as the 10 Practices, remain the backbone of the book. This edition has been updated with groundbreaking research on confidence, some of which was nonexistent when the previous edition was written. Much of the new research has closed the divide between the findings of scientists and mystics. More and more, the research has substantiated the 10 Practices, many of which have been around for centuries.
In writing this book, I have drawn on my personal experiences, the research I've conducted for the past twenty years, my vast clinical experience, and findings from top experts from around the world. This revised edition, written in a readable way, contains lots of new examples and stories that have been updated for the twenty-first century. It combines scientific knowledge, clinical case studies, personal accounts, and simple techniques—all the ingredients necessary for you to lead a confident life.
The Art of Confident Living is a practical guide for connecting with the confidence inside you and achieving joy and serenity every day. The 10 Practices give you techniques that put you in harmony with yourself and free you from your past. They show you how to achieve a full and satisfying life in the present by assembling all the ingredients you need now to be confident, regardless of what or why certain events happened in the past. These 10 Practices, when applied in your daily life, will bring out the confidence you've been seeking and improve the quality of your life.
The 10 Practices can help you to achieve the following:
- Get that dream job you always wanted
- Find the soul mate you've been seeking
- Boost your immune system and physical health
- Achieve the goals you've set in life
- Reduce job stress and burnout
- Eliminate bad habits and addictive behaviors
- Improve your performance in any sport you play
- Promote a healthier and happier lifestyle and increase longevity
- Feel more comfortable and have more fun in social situations
- Be admired by others
- Minimize worry and face life's challenges as adventures to have instead of problems to solve
- Have more energy and joy in your life In writing this book, I realize that I have written a thousand different books. You will read the words on the page differently because of what you already think and believe. You will filter the words through your perceptual systems and will select and use what you need in order to profit from your individual life journey. As you become more confident from the inside out, confidence will love you back from the outside in.
©2009. Bryan Robinson Ph.D. All rights reserved. Reprinted from The Art of Confident Living. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system or transmitted in any form or by any means, without the written permission of the publisher. Publisher: Health Communications, Inc., 3201 SW 15th Street, Deerfield Beach, FL 33442
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